remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
