I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
