he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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