so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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