it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
