Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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