I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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