but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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