people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
