oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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