he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
