I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
