I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
