i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
