would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
