Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You made out with two different species that night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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