fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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