i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
