nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
