I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
