is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
