I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
