Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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