She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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