woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
