Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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