i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
