Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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