Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
