What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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