I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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