I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
