drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
