I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
