This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
