I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
