too bad you live with your parents still
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
