Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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