oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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