That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
