How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
