i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
it's great music for shaving your balls
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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