I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
