he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
