Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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