What a fucking waste of an outfit
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
