Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm just crazy horny about you
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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