That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
