I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
