I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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