I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
