the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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