Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
