It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
