That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
