Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
