you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
