The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize