Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
