I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
