I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
