She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
