and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
