One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
being pregnant is like rehab
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
